Stop Being a Nice Guy
In his book The Faith of Christopher Hitchens, Larry Taunton writes:
Evangelicals in the United States have interpreted Christ’s command to love others in terms of civility. As such, they endeavor to be, above all, inoffensive and polite. The greatest virtue of a Christian, many think, is his ability to tolerate those who do not share his faith and their ability to tolerate him. Of course, this isn’t what Jesus meant. This doctrinal malpractice has led Christians to abdicate their duty to be salt and light in a world that needs a healthy dose of both.
Along those same lines, consider this quote from Voddie Baucham [the original YouTube video clip has been removed]:
“We believe in a time where Christians today hold firmly to the Eleventh Commandment. And the Eleventh Commandment is, ‘Thou shalt be nice.’ And we don’t believe the other ten.”
Christians – and Christian men, in particular – have traded in on their calling to be salt and light, to confront false teaching in the Church, and to demolish arguments held against the knowledge of God (II Corinthians 10:5), for a politically correct, culturally relevant, socially safe, definitionally-fluid concept of niceness.
“But, but, but…. the fruit of the Spirit is ‘kindness!’” someone will object.
Take a look at the actual Greek meaning of the word translated “kindness”. (I’ll help you out with a link here.) Quick preview: it has nothing to do with politeness, inoffensiveness, or softness. “Kindness” in the original biblical sense has to do with an interest in the meeting of people’s needs and a willingness to do so.
Think also on Christ: love incarnate, the absolute model of the fruit of the Spirit, and He called people hypocrites, vipers, and Satan. All of our concepts of the fruit of the Spirit, whether it be love, kindness, gentleness, or any other word we think might support our culturally-informed notions of niceness as a Christian virtue, must be run through the grid of the Scriptures. God is love, as John tells us (I John 4:8). Therefore, God gets to define what love is, what it looks like, and how it operates.
God. Not your church, not CNN, not Oprah, not your favorite Christian author, not your own heart or mind.
It is important that men recover the willingness to be confrontational – in love, out of kindness, for the good of the people with whom they live and interact. Bad ideas thrive on people’s willingness to entertain them and they survive and spread because those commissioned to do battle against them allow themselves to be cowed into being “nice."
Kindness chances awkwardness, offensiveness, and discomfort to fight for the ones you love. Niceness stops at nothing to spare feelings.
Kindness protects a person, if necessary even from themselves. Niceness hides behind minding its own business.
Kindness pulls the child's tooth or gives him a shot despite all of the tears, cries and whining. Niceness rolls the dice on infection, rot and even more intense pain down the road because what must be done to prevent it is unpleasant.
Kind people are strong people, willing to give of themselves for the benefit of others. Nice people allow the opinions of others to prevent them from doing what ought to be done.
Kindness emboldens. Niceness castrates.
Let us stop being the kind of men who are overly concerned with being nice guys. The world has plenty of them already.
That’s precisely the problem.
~
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it.
- Psalm 141:5
Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
- Proverbs 27:5-6
Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off.
- Romans 11:22